The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
