hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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