Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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