apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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