there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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