hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
