my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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