May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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