I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
