Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
