i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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