He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
