omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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