I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
