i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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