Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
