the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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