Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now