i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
