Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
