Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
