After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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