i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
