I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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