Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
