When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
