Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
