i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
