I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
