the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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