all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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