in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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