Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
