Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
