i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
