If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize