I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
