And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
