my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
there is glitter all over my balls
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
