she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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