somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
