Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
