sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
