Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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