I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
