Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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