Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
