Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
