life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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