If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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