went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
