So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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