sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
