in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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