Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We left the knife in your bed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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