i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
