y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
