get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
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This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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