we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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