he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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