You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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