If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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