Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize