How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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