We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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