she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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