well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
