oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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