Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
