Me too!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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