someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
