so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
